(Bad) Ideas from my Dreams

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve woken up or half woken up with what I was certain was an absolutely amazing idea, only to have it evaporate into nothingness by the time I got to my computer to write it down. It’s the most frustrating sensation in the world, and I felt like I was constantly missing out on my best stuff.

So, I put a notebook and pen next to my bed, giving me the chance to start writing down those ideas as they come to me. The idea was simple – by minimizing how awake I get; I can preserve the brilliance of these ideas for my waking mind to record. After some initial mishaps involving a small notebook that Loki had too much fun batting off my nightstand and shredding under my bed, I was able to start the process about a month ago.

Oh, lord, have I started the process.

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Totally fine.

Allow me to share with you the absolute best ideas I’ve recorded in my half sleep state. Note that this excludes ones that are completely illegible, which was at least half of them. I’ve kept strange spelling or capitalization choices intact where I find them amusing, and where it’s not particularly funny I’ve changed them to be more logical.

What if Batman, but sword!!!

What if indeed. This was the very first thing to greet me upon waking up, and it sat by my bed, taunting me. “What if Batman, but sword!!!” And yes, the three exclamation points were absolutely needed, as was the lack of question mark at the end of it. Apparently. Note that when I woke up and saw this note, it was two AM. I puzzled over it, had a glass of water, and went back to bed chuckling at myself. When my alarm went off at six in the morning, I found I had added to the brilliance of “What if Batman, but sword!!!” I will record that note exactly as I saw it:

No. Fuck sword. JET PACK.

DC, get in contact with me. Jet Pack Batman is gonna be huge.

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How do I claim retroactive royalties?

Rabbits under my bed. Bunstards. 

Oh, wonderful. Apparently, my sleeping brain likes terrible puns. This is a thing I could have gone without ever knowing, but thanks to the magic of the sleep idea notebook, the word “Bunstards” as a way to refer to bastard rabbits was burned into my brain. I choose to share this unholy knowledge with you. Do with it what you will, for sanity has forsaken me.

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you know what you did

They’rE IN MY EYEsss.

Again, that’s exactly how I wrote it. Random capitalization in the middle, three “s” at the end. Also, that’s oddly horrifying. I’m really glad I don’t know what I was dreaming was in my eyes, and I really hope I don’t remember. Thankfully, I am certain that nothing else in the notebook that will be remotely horrifying.

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This is fine.

He’s in the corner. Watching me. With teeth.

Well.

Shit.

On the plus side, after seeing I’d written that note at 3am, I didn’t have to worry about sleep for the rest of the night!

Out the window with you!

I love this note because of the clear implication that I’d woken up, and even the same brain that gave us “Bunstards” was able to see whatever idea had awoken me was worthy only of defenestration. Goodbye, idea! We hardly knew ye.

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Goodbye!

What if horses were goats?

Sleep brain, I don’t even know what this means. It’s perfectly spelled, but it makes no goddamn sense. Are we talking about goat sized horses, wandering about a field? Because that’s a funny image, but it’s not particularly useful. Are we talking about horse sized goats being ridden into battle? Because…okay, that’s actually kind of cool, but probably not cool enough to be worth writing down, especially because Warcraft did it years ago.

Dear reader, I am as lost as you.

There’s a MAZE in the WORLD and I ATE IT.

…I’ll be honest here, it’s possible this note said “There’s amaze in the world and I ate it.” You might say, “But Alex, ‘amaze in the world’ doesn’t make sense.” To which I would give you a flat, level look and say, “Reader, look at that sentence. Look at it. We’ve left sense behind long ago.” This one puzzles me more than anything else. The idea of a maze in the world could be a reference to the Underdark? But then how did I eat it?

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Delicious.

Secret Agent Elf

Okay, so this one makes sense. There is an elf. That elf is also a secret agent. Simple, straightforward. Solid elevator pitch. If that was the entire note, I’d be nodding along in basic understanding of what my sleep deprived brain was getting at. However. That note was immediately followed by another one, written beneath it but in all caps to show how important it was to the entire concept.

CRABS ARE STEALING SALAD!!!. 

Well. That certainly clears things up.

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You know what you did, too.

Goddamnit Loki TOES ARE MINE.

I like how, even when asleep, I found time to curse my cat for nibbling on my toes. Not sure why I wrote it down though. Did I expect him to read it? Cats can’t read, sleep brain.

Now, at this point, I was ready to give up. Clearly, nothing good was going to of this. But I decided to give it one more night. And that night, that one night, was enough to convince me I can never, ever let this go. I’ve edited this one for clarity, because it was horribly misspelled in itis original incarnation, and I want to give you the full impact of my brilliance.

 

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You absolutely know what you did.

Dr. Moreau vs. Dr. Frankenstein.

I think I have my next series idea. If you’ll excuse me, I’m trademarking Dr. Moreau vs. Dr. Frankenstein.

Want to see what I write when I’ma wake? Grab a free book!

 

9 thoughts on “(Bad) Ideas from my Dreams

  1. Ok, here’s a possibility:

    The salad is a traditional and symbolic dish that must be served at the wedding of an elf prince, or the marriage will not take place and an important alliance will be lost. It contains a rare ingredient that only blooms once a year, so when the salad is stolen a few days before the wedding, it can’t just be replaced. The most likely explanation is that the thieving crabs are employed by an enemy of the royal family. The king must dispatch his best secret agent to unravel the conspiracy and retrieve the salad before the wedding feast begins.

    I think it’ll be a bestseller. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my lord, that got a legitimate laugh out loud from me – well done! I could actually see that doing well as a satirical fantasy story.

      Damn, now I have to pick between that and the Moreau and Frankenstein war. Unless you want to write Secret Agent Elf, in which case godspeed!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: 7 Things I Tried for NaNo (That Failed) – The Home of Alex Raizman

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